6.12.2004

What a fantabulous funeral! Not the one in Washington; that was nice enough. But the L.A. sendoff was a true Tinseltown moment. Ronald Reagan wasn't just America's president, he was Hollywood's commander in chief. When Blackburn D. Feldspar goes to that big backlot in the sky, he can only pray that his funeral includes a lineup as spectacular as the one that bade farewell to Father Reagan in Simi Valley. Tom Selleck, Pat Sajak, Bo Derek, Mickey Rooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Scott Baio, Wayne Newton ... sigh. To be loved, to be loved ...

6.10.2004

Enough about Reagan already! He's dead. Half of you love him, half of you hate him. Let's just plant the fucker and go back to making fun of hiptards.

Meanwhile.

SIX THINGS I ALWAYS
SEE AT QDOBA
06: Butchy soccer chicks
05: Coked up burrito maker
04: Gay guy in biking shorts
03: Kid in a Modest Mouse shirt
02: Bum trying to steal Pepsi
01: Overweight skater boy

6.08.2004

NOTES ON THE CULTURE
Six Things About "Sixteen Candles"
That Still Make Me Laugh
06: The big wrestler throwing the little kid around the gym.
05: Those two geeks with the toy rayguns. ("Score! A direct hit.")
04: Farmer Ted in the church parking lot. ("You own a church?")
03: "Dong, where is my au-to-mo-bile?" "Au-to-mo-bile?"
02: Farmer Ted's friends in the trunk of the car.
01: The cafeteria sign: "Cream of Lunch"