THE SUM OF ALL FEARS
Current anxieties, catalogued:
· Terrorism
· Global warming
· Creeping religious fascism
· Corporate control of the media
· I've gained too much weight to wear these pants
· I don’t get to the gym as much as I should
· The war in Iraq
· Unemployment
· Meeting women
· Hurricanes
· We’re running out of oil
· That people will think I’m dumb
· That people will think I’m too smart
· A fire in my apartment building
· That they'll never get that damned bridge painted
· Auto accident
· I’ll never finish my novel
· Having to work weekends
· Drought
· That the bank will misplace all my money
· India-Pakistan
· Asian bird flu pandemic
· Insect infestation
· Sudden, debilitating allergies
· A crack house moves in next door
· Inflation
· That the cable will go out
· Recession
· Depression (both economic and psychological)
· Death in the family
· Car trouble
· That there really is a Hell
· That I’ll die a lonely bachelor
· Turmoil in Africa
· That I paid too much for something
· Racial strife
· Wal-Mart
· Suburban sprawl
· That my heroes will be exposed as scoundrels
· That I will be wrongly convicted of a heinous crime
· Losing my wallet
· That the Yankees will win the World Series
· Finding a spider in the bed
· That my computer hard drive will crash
· Those kids are playing awfully close to that busy street
· Falling into an open manhole
· Menacing people hanging out on my street
· Pipes bursting and flooding my apartment
· Outrageously high winter heating bills
· That my life has become predictable and routine
· Oversleeping
· That women don’t find me attractive
· Food poisoning
· Cancer
· That people hate me because I’m American
· The insidious spread of anti-intellectualism
· The New Madrid fault
· Computer viruses
· The woman in the coffeehouse who won’t stop talking about the sci-fi/fantasy novel she is writing
· That I will go blind or deaf
· Walking around unaware that my fly is open
· Spilling soup on my pants during a big date
· Losing my keys
· Spilling bleach on my favorite pants or shirt
· Getting stuck in an elevator with my boss
· Suffering severe burns
· That I will drink too much and accidentally say something hurtful to someone I love
· Heart disease
· Boredom
· Iran's nuclear ambitions
· That I wasted an expensive college education
· My inability to keep up with popular music
· The economic dislocation caused by globalism
· Vermin
· That my favorite bar/restaurant/coffeehouse will close
· Losing my cell phone
· Paralysis (both physical and mental)
· Being exposed as a fraud