7.16.2005

JESUS OF NAZARETH, SCRIPT DOCTOR
"Marlo Garrett just wanted to be able to watch a movie with her kids. Something besides 'The Sound of Music' or 'SpongeBob SquarePants.' ... Instead of feeling alienated, Garrett and her husband, Ron, sensed a business opportunity. They started Clean Cut Cinemas, a service that strips popular films of profanity, sex, nudity, excessive violence, illegal drug use and otherwise objectionable behavior, then sells or rents the "clean" videos to the public." -- The Courier-Journal, 10/18/2002
06: "The Wizard of Oz" -- Instead of running away from home, Dorothy accepts that she is to blame for Toto's behavior. She agrees to give up the dog and focuses her efforts on school work and domestic skills. She eventually marries a pharmacist and they settle in Lenexa, where they have five beautiful children.
05: "Platoon" -- Realizing that the liberals are hampering the war effort, Pvt. Taylor assists Sgt. Barnes in removing Sgt. Grodin from the unit. The reinvigorated platoon proceeds to route a VC command post, for which Taylor is awarded the Silver Star. He returns to America a hero, and is elected to seven terms in the Arizona state legislature.
04: "All The President's Men" -- Woodward and Bernstein realize that their stories, while essentially correct, endanger our fragile detente with China and could throw the U.S. economy into a tailspin. Using Henry Kissinger as a secret liaison to the White House, they agree to kill their stories in exchange for a series of exclusive interviews with President Nixon, for which they win the Pulitzer Prize. In the final scene, Woodward proudly watches as Bernstein is baptized into the Presbyterian Church.
03: "Fahrenheit 9/11" -- After meeting Sean Hannity on a cross-country flight, filmmaker Michael Moore agrees to take another look at the whole Bush-Saudi connection. With the help of a team of conservative bloggers, Moore determines that it was President Clinton's affair with an intern, not our toxic relationship with Saudi Arabia, that led directly to the events of 9/11. In the film's most controversial scene, Moore triumphally unearths a cache of Iraqi WMDs that were smuggled into Syria prior to the war.
02: "It's A Wonderful Life" -- Realizing that suicide is a mortal sin and will thereby doom his soul to Hell for all eternity, George Bailey returns home and agrees to let Mr. Potter buy the Building and Loan, where he gradually begins to admire Potter's business acumen. With the understanding that powerful people must often make difficult decisions that serve the greater good, George leads the newly formed Potter-Bailey Co.'s efforts to foreclose on several lower-income homes to allow the development of Bedford Falls' first shopping mall. George uses his real estate fortune to run for Congress, where he serves six terms and takes a lead role in ferreting out communists from the government.
01: "The Graduate" -- Benjamin resists the advances of Mrs. Robinson, whom he realizes is simply a woman who wants the best for her daughter. He attends Elaine's wedding, where he toasts the couple, then returns to college to get his Ph.D. Years later, when Benjamin is CEO of Dow Chemical, he runs into Elaine and her husband at a Republican Party fundraiser, where they proudly share photos of their children and laugh about "those crazy days back in the '60s."