REASON NO. 318 WHY "PET SOUNDS"
BY THE BEACH BOYS IS A SUPERIOR
RECORD TO THE BEATLES' "SGT. PEPPER"

If "Sgt. Pepper" is a really cool happening where all the sophisticated London cats like Peter Sellers and Mick Jagger have come over to get high with Swedish models and listen to the groovy new sounds, then "Pet Sounds" is a kid's birthday party in Thousand Oaks where the clown breaks down and starts crying about his pregnant girlfriend right in the middle of the magic sands of the desert trick.

FOR THE TRAVELER:
USELESS PHRASES TRANSLATED
INTO FRENCH FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE

"Je conviens. Le Président Bush est en grande partie mal compris."
("I agree. President Bush is largely misunderstood.")

"Le prochain film d' 'Jackass' n'est pas dû jusqu'en 2008."
("The next 'Jackass' film isn't due until 2008.")

"J'aurai les fishsticks, si'l vous plait."
("I'll have the fishsticks, please.")

"Avez-vous une section non fumeuse?"
("Do you have a non-smoking section?")

"Dick Cheney m'a dit au sujet de ce restaurant."
("Dick Cheney told me about this restaurant.")

"Obtenez-la faite!"
("Git 'er done!")