THE DALAI LAMA, BILL GATES AND BONO DISCUSS THE POSSIBILITY OF KATE BECKINSALE APPEARING NUDE IN HER NEXT FILM

DALAI LAMA: Someone said that Kate and Luke Wilson have sex in the movie. Personally I don't believe it.
BILL GATES: Don't believe it, Kate never gets naked. I respect that about her, too.
BONO: Maybe do some research there buddy. She has done nudity. And quite frankly, not a brief flash. She's walking topless quite a long time.
BILL GATES: You think I don't do my research? I've done more research on Kate than most people do on anything in their lifetime even for their careers. Ninety percent of the nudity in her movies isn't really her, it's just a body double. There is a lot of speculation "Uncovered," and most people think it was really her naked. I'm not sure, but I would have to say that's her only naked movie -- ever. "Haunted" was all body double, not her naked. Trust me when I say: I do my research when it involves Kate.
DALAI LAMA: You're really wrong. Do more research. Read interviews. She isn't ashamed of herself. She's done plenty of nudity, if the role requested it. She's not from the U.S., and not so uptight about things like that. As an American, you assume any nudity is dirty and evil, but it's just not that way in most civilized countries. Americans are ashamed of their bodies, maybe because they are uptight, maybe because they are the fattest country in the world, or maybe based on a series of superstitions and religions. Regardless, if you try to judge someone from Europe based on your slanted, U.S.-conditioned views, you will always think they are evil or bad in some way.
BILL GATES: You think because I'm American I think nudity is evil? Hahaha! Give me one picture of her naked in England when she was young. Just one. Seriously. I've done my research buddy. I've done it for a very, very, long time.
BONO: No matter how much research you do, Kate Beckinsale is never going to have sex with you.
DALAI LAMA: Haha! Pwned!

(The preceding was adapted from an Internet Movie Database bulletin board discussion of the film "Vacancy" starring Kate Beckinsale.)

SOUP
"Does this soup taste 'off' to you? Here. ... Doesn't it taste 'off?' What do I mean by 'off?' You know, 'off.' No, I didn't say it tasted bad. Don't get all upset. I know you spent all summer growing the beans, potatoes, corn, tomatoes, carrots, onions, celery and herbs. I know you raised the chickens used to make the stock and supply it with its meaty goodness. I know you made it from a recipe handed down to your mother from your grandmother from your great-grandmother. ... Still. Taste it again. ... What is that? Tarragon? What's tarragon? ... Well, for something that doesn't have the 'tarragon' in it's name, it certainly has a lot of it. I mean, I'd understand if it were called 'tarragon-vegetable-chicken soup,' but whatever. ... Regardless, I don't think that's it. What? What did you say? Oh, ham. ... I was about to say. What did I think you said? Never you mind. Let's just say it's not something a decent person would own, let alone put in soup. ... I'm upsetting you, aren't I? Stop crying. Is this about the drapes? It is, isn't it? Well, I'm sorry that I upset you. But if the drapes are too short for the window, what am I supposed to do, just sit there and say nothing? ... Are we completely out of wine? We sure drank that fast. ... What? You only had half a glass? Are you sure the bottle was full? I can usually only drink a few sips before I start running off at the mouth. ... What was that? ... You're mumbling. I wish you would speak more clearly. I remember the first time John brought you to the house, I asked him how on earth he understood a word you said. I always stressed clear, precise diction with my children. That's why it surprised me when John and you started going out. ... What do I mean by that? Oh, you know. Let's just let it go. You seem to make him happy, which is all that matters, no matter what I think. ... Is that the oven timer going off? Let's check those biscuits. ... Hmm ... Did you use a different recipe? Oh, no reason. They just look kind of 'off' ..."