5.10.2006

HOW TO BE ANNOYING
1. Insist on informing your neighbors of your plans every time you leave the house. Demand that they do the same -- "For safety."
2. In addition to using your turn signal, honk your honk steadily until you have completed the turn.
3. Stand on your front porch and guess the weight of passersby with a bullhorn.
4. At the gym, ask complete strangers to "spot" you while you are walking on the treadmill. Offer to do the same for them.
5. Wear a parka to work during July. Leave it on all day. Refuse to explain why.
6. Forward all e-mails about urban legends, conspiracy theories or investmemt scams to everyone in your address book with "We need to talk" in the subject line.
7. Bring a box of doughnuts to work. When one of your overweight co-workers grabs one, take him/her aside and suggest they have a bowl of oatmeal instead.
8. Go to a non-Starbucks coffeehouse but insist on referring to drink sizes as "vente" and "grande."
9. Attend a baseball game. Complain loudly that the game was "purer" before they let blacks and Mexicans play.
10. Start a blog.